Revelation- Third Day

My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Tryin’ to find my way, tryin’ to find the faith that’s gone

This time, I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding
Through every twist and turn I’m always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without

I don’t know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won’t You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation

I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

” Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted. ” – Isaiah 43:26

This verse highlights the truth that we can go directly before God and just pour out our hearts to Him. There are times that we try to bear all the burdens in life on our own strength. The danger is that man’s strength is bound to fail. That’s why sooner or later we find ourselves burned out and not able to continue anymore. ” Put Me in remembrance..,” how about calling out to Me? The Lord is saying in effect. You’ve been trying to handle things on your own, now why not try Me this time. Tell me all your disappointments, anger and bitterness.. Remember Me… and I will show you that whatever it is that’s holding you back is not your story. You’ve already become so tired of fighting.. but “.. put me in remembrance..” and I will renew your strength; I will cause you to mount up with wings like eagles, I will cause you to run and not grow weary, walk and not faint.

Piwi on blogging

I was reading earlier an article about choosing a niche or theme to blog about. Well, the author’s recommendation was to start a personal blog. He shared that at first he didn’t think about monetizing it but he just used it to share his thoughts on topics that interests him. Overtime, it became clearer to him that he needed to put his blogging to another level so he started other blogs that are now generating income for him. I think it’s quite cool.

I started blogging in 2007 just so I can have an outlet. I was using my multiply site then, which is no longer active, and I just posted random stuff there. This year,I opened this blogsite in an effort to do this on a regular basis. But come to think of it, I don’t think  I had a clear objective when I started aside from my desire to establish my blogging life. It still sounds so general. That may explain why I can’t seem to commit myself to really doing it. I think it doesn’t have focus yet. Oh well, it looks like I got the right sub-title to my blog– purely random.

Piwi on process and purpose…

First posted on my Facebook dated August 26, 2010

The process is more important than the outcome. This was and still is one of my favorite sayings that I used to share to other young people I talk to. But there was a long period of time in my life when I have somehow forgotten its meaning, especially when I needed to remember it the most. The struggle itself that I went through was already hard but the worse part was that I didn’t see any point as to why I had to experience it. Going through something and not having the right perspective on your situation will really put you in a tight spot. You’ll go in circles without getting anywhere. Sooner or later you become frustrated, you become angry and bitter, until you get to the point where you are so numb that you just don’t care anymore. Then, you feel like hope has given up on you. You feel like giving up. Finally, you hit rock bottom.

There’s always a process to follow in everything. In school, if you’re going to enroll. In different government agencies, if you’re going to renew your passport, apply for your driver’s license, get your NBI clearance etc., you’re going to see signages telling you to do this first, go there, so on and so forth. Equally true, in life experiences you’ll discover that the process is also evident though not everything has to be in order. It could be in overlapping manner. Sometimes, you would jump from step 3 then go back to step 2. It really depends on your circumstance. The point is, there’s a pattern or if I may, a process, that we follow and sometimes, without any awareness of it.

I find this true in my life. I’ve seen myself in the middle of a struggle trying to fight my way out, pretending that I was okay and impatiently insisting on going to the next step without accepting the fact that there was something that I needed to deal with and/or do something first before I could go on. Because of that, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way- trying to go against the pattern that you’re supposed to follow would impede your growth, stall your learning and waste your time.

The important thing to remember is that there is a purpose behind the process. I personally believe that ultimately, the development of character is that overriding purpose. So, if this is the case, there are times, and not all the time, that time is irrelevant so long as the purpose is achieved. In this kind of situation, patience is needed. You don’t have to rush things. Try to absorb every bit of learning that you can while you’re still going through it. Those learnings will strengthen your character. There are also instances where the situation calls for getting through it as fast as you can otherwise you’ll miss your lesson. The key is to acknowledge that there is a design in everything that happens in and to you. Don’t stray away. It will only hurt you.

I believe that an understanding of this process and the purpose behind it is the thing that can redeem you of your past regrets. Years of your life that have been wasted because of wrong decisions, opportunities that slipped by because of indecisions and any other thing that gives you that ‘what if’ thoughts are causes of regrets. But if we apply the process and purpose principle, we can look at it differently. Wasted years can be taken as years of preparation. Wasted opportunities can be dealt with as stepping stones for much better open doors. So you see, it can be a liberating lesson for us. You can say that nothing is really wasted then because you understand now that there is a purpose behind what happened to you, that you just needed to go through a certain process to give you that learning, give you that open door, give you that experience to strengthen you and make you a more complete person. Ain’t that cool?? Group hug everyone!!! Yey!!!

Anyways, I’m already sleepy so it’s time to post this entry. ^_^

Originally drafted on August 16th

Last week I was at Tito Charlie’s last wake and burial. It’s really sad because there’s another death in the family. Tito Charlie was the husband of Tita Grace, so he was my dad’s brother-in-law.  The last time I saw him was at mama Lu’s burial last year. He was still strong then. I learned that they just found out that he had cancer last December. Then in less than a year, his body succumbed to the deadly disease. He was 75.

Life is indeed short. Job 8:9 says, ” … our days on earth are but a shadow. ” When I was young, I really didn’t have the notion of time. A day for me was really long. I wouldn’t mind playing in the streets with my friends, do everything we could under the sun and just practically enjoy whatever we were doing.

Now I am in my latter 20’s and boy, does time really fly. Gone are the days where you can just stare at the starry night sky and just dream freely. I now have bigger responsibilities on my shoulders and more challenges to overcome that there is almost no time for solitude. Everything seems to happen so fast. It’s like I am wishing sometimes that God would extend more hours in a day.

Life is really short and without God, life is really futile. There’s really no value in everything we do if we don’t have Him in the equation of our lives. He is our hope. I’ve had my own shares of struggles and I’ve experienced that deep blackhole like there’s no more way out. But all this time, I’ve always felt in my heart His hand holding me. Yes, I’ve tried to push Him away but He’s always been there. He is faithful. I want to know Him more by what I’m going through. I want to find Him.

===============

I also met some of my second cousins for the first time.  The first of them was Sheila. We met by accident in Trinoma a couple of weeks back. So we agreed to go to the wake the same day so we could meet again. Paige, her sister, texted me earlier that day and told me that she too was going together with their youngest sister, Jacqui, and a couple of friends. When I met them, I found out their names were Zack and Cecille.

I got there just before 7pm. Kuya Ricky was by the door so I approached him and introduced myself because I knew he wouldn’t recognize me. Ate Yella saw me and greeted me warmly. She walked me inside and Ate Divine was already there. Ate My was also already there.  She introduced me to her BF and then I finally approached Paige, Jacqui and their friends. We had a short chit chat then after a few minutes the Mass started. Kuya Ricky gave the Eulogy and Ate My read Tita Grace’s letter.

After the mass, we had dinner. I joined Paige, Zack and Cecille at their table and we briefly talked. Well we had knock knock  jokes which was really cool. Ate Divine introduced me to Tita Lizza, Paige’s mom, and she told me that when they arrived, Tito Totie asked her, ” Who’s that guy seated beside Jacqui? ” She answered, ” Oh maybe that’s Piwi they were talking about.” Then Tito Totie came and I greeted him “Kala ko kung sino na eh. ” He thought I was a suitor or something. It was really funny and it was fun to have met them. Later, Elaine arrived. Paige introduced me to her. Then a few minutes after, Elaine’s sisters came by as well, Diane and Lorraine. I was really happy to have met them.

We stayed there the rest of the evening. My cousins had a drinking session til morning. The burial was really really emotional. I was trying to hold back the tears as I tried to capture some shots using Elaine’s cam because, I mean, pain is pain.

We left right after the burial and I ended the day with Elaine. We dropped by Trinoma. We had sort of snack and short talk.

 

It came to an expected halt

When one of the team leads told me that our manager wanted to see me, I kinda knew what it was about. I entered this small room and there he was, trying to smile but I felt that uneasiness in him. We greeted each other, I sat down and he didn’t beat around the bush.

He had no choice. He told me, ” I told you guys before that never put yourself in a position where they can say something  against you.”  I told him that I already saw it coming a couple of months back. I was supposed to leave the same time as our program director back in April but I said to myself, well maybe things will change and besides, I wanted to buy myself some time so I can figure out what to do next. At that point, yes, I was able to buy some time, but I didn’t quite manage to plan my next step. Well, I knew I needed to deal with something that has nothing to do with work. When he handed me the paper, there was still a shock feeling, more like my ego was still hurt even though I was expecting it. ” I can give my commitment to you, but to them, I don’t have to prove anything.” My manager just smiled.

I knew I had my lapses. I was blaming something that was not causing it. It, is something that’s already been here inside me even before I got there. Everything that happened from day one at work, my persona, my front, were just my futile attempt to mask something that I stupidly still trying to hide.

I guess this is better than to stay and keep going to a dead-end direction.

Wow. It’s already May! I didn’t notice it.  Oh well, I got busy at work anyway so I hope I can justify myself.. against myself.

I stopped blogging when our clients came and held a 3-week training. Our batch started to handle cases after that. A couple of clients came last month and some bosses from our company. So many things happened last month at work and for the next three weeks, we’ll undergo a 3-week training which is like a last ditch effort for some of us. I know, it does not sound good.

We just had our National Election and I want to congratulate myself for being able to vote for the first time… YEY!

Things are opening up for me though I still have some hesitations on some issues. I guess  I just want to get rid of that chip on my shoulder and be able to go out there and do my thing. BREAK FREE.

I’d like to see myself doing the right thing, in the right place, at the right time. I know that at my age I should not sound idealistic but this is a very personal issue so I’d really like to see it. I also know that I can start where I am but for some reason I have that but/ however thoughts. Make things simple Piwi.* sigh *

That’s it for now..

Second quarter of the year. I actually feel that I’ve finally caught up with time. It’s not easy to live in a black hole for a long time but I think the sweetest feeling is getting out of there. Like you notice once again ordinary  happenings in life. Yes, I like that word- notice.  You go out there hearing the chirps of the birds, the singing of the trees, the dancing of the wind ( yeah, emo moment ) and everything is coming to life again. Oh well, I guess me coming to life again, that is.

There are questions in my heart that I want answers.  There were regrets along the way- wrong reactions, wrong decisions, wrong actions.  But still, I can’t deny God’s mercy, which is new everyday.

I was checking the Toastmasters site earlier today and I’m kind of interested in joining a local club here. I’ve already checked a few sites on the web and hopefully I can visit one some time soon. I think it would be fun to join them because I’ll be around people with similar interest. It’s also a good avenue for improving my communication skills especially in the area of public speaking. They also have a touch on leadership which is great because I researched a bit about their educational program and it’s two fold: communications and leadership. In a group, you get to do a specific task and obviously when you’re part of a group, you must be a team player, so they also train you how to work with other people.

This is cool. Let’s see.. I want this..